Dinner on a "nights out"; the military is not my thang

Just came back from a nice but short dinner with patrick and his friend wai kong.
Was at CHIJMES at this Pizza restaurant - i forgot the name already. Ooops!

Had some small talk and decent conversation, fairly relaxing until it shifted into my National Service and my attitude towards it. Am actually quite embarrassed about being so direct and curt. Especially since it's only the second time waikong i've actually met waikong. So waikong, if you were ever to read this. I apologise if i'm being too forward and argumentative. Haha. Just my nature.

This led to somewhat of an insightful discussion with two extreme views of the military in Singapore. Some people (and perhaps most people) feel that national service can also instil some form of nationalistic fevour into the men of the country. I on the other hand, bat for the other team (no pun intended)- (ok, maybe all oun intended. Haha!). I don't believe that the military can instil national pride in me. I'm proud of my country naturally, just not proud of being in the military.

I'm proud that we can go for runs in the wee hours of the morning without being mugged. I'm proud that we have a relatively ok exchange rate. I'm proud of the Esplanade. I'm proud that we have swimming pools in almost every major neighbourhood. I'm proud that we have racial tolerance and a diverse range of all things that different races can offer. And have it known that i'm proud of my education system, though somewhat stifling and one-directional, but nevertheless academically apt and enabling; my passport to the world of academics.

But i'm just not capable of viewing the military as being a source that adds to my nationalism. I'm in the military and i experience first-hand the well-known fact that it is in fact very inefficient at the grassroots. Perhaps i'm just "not that into" big guns (hmmmm....) and big tank tops... i mean Tanks. Or the whole pseudo machoness that my superiors seem to put on just because they are in the military when they are in fact hen-pecked husbands.

The very idea that the military is an avenue of nationalism is both disagreeable and yet real to me for i have seen it in others; their eyes gleaming with pride and honour when talking about their 2.5/2.25 years of service for the nation. Yet it is not at all applicable to me for the time i feel most proud about my country is when people talk about how we have progressed economically and socially. And this is felt most during my student years. During long lectures with my mind drifting into never never land (no, not Michael jackson's), i find myself thinking that the lecture room i'm sitting in is actually a well spent investment on students of this country. The rewards are world renouned scholars and professionals in various fields. Visiting two of my favourite Singaporean establishments the Esplanade and Changi airport also brings me great pride.

I'm proud of certain things my country has constructed, but see/feel no pride in the military. I just have different visions of when a country has done good i suppose.

If i were to put yes to command school on that faithful day and end up being a specialist or an officer, i would think that i'd still keep the same opinion i have today: I'm proud of my country, I'm willing to serve my nation as it needs my help. It is my responsibility. But I do not have to like the responsibility.

My affair with SAF is hopefully a short-lived one. Like all bad marriages from the start, it has to end somehow someday. We just have to spend some time in settling all the responsibilities and will be back to being singletons- joyful and out of each others' faces.


-jho. sleep. another day in camp.

P.S. Happy Birthday to Angie!