Caught 22

Yet another year has past
Yet so different from the last.

Searching for myself always
Finding myself in new ways.

Coupled previously
Single, deliberately.

Where's life taking me?
Wherever my heart may be.

What a year it has been. It's your sophomore year now Jeremy. And you have outdone yourself again. Seeing your wishlist getting striked off one by one, you know you have drive. Seriously babe, i'm proud of who you have become. Your teenage self will look up to you with respect. But keep in mind you have a long way more to go. So many more goals. So much more successes to chase.

Remember to open your heart. Remember to let loved ones in. You and I both know that's the only way to true happiness - surrounded by people you love. Material success is lonely without persons to share it with. Love is not all, but it rounds everything most beautifully. You can't live on love, but you'll starve without it.

I sense that the coming year is for self-discovery. To define who you are. To push your limits, north, south, east, west. It's time for you to catch 22.

I wish you a bountiful journey. Bon courage et je t'aime, Jeremy.

Draining Vices

Amidst the glitz & glamour,

Amidst the friends & constant laughter,

Amidst the new circles and glasses clinking,

Amidst the uprising fame & singing,

Is a constant Pang, once the mist is gone.

Of uncertainty, of escapism brought down and of change.

It's a post-mist depression, a W-shaped plot-line.

Vices take me. I should fight back. Yet i'm

Drained

Today is the 18th of September

exactly 4 and a half years from March 18th 2006.

Mourn the end of an era.

Burn. Heart. Aches.

Rains. Eyes. Soulless.

Chances are choices.

Have a little faith, dream

A little dream, breathe

A little while, take

A journey...

Yet, value what's lost, hold

A little closer, cherish

A little more, feel

Our hearts as one, again.

Chances are, we

Never really know, what

To expect, what

Outcomes revealed, and

That is a risk, and

Those are my choices.

-jho.

E-piphany on the train ride home

I just had an ephiphany. Why are people in Singapore (and i don't mean just Singapore citizens) rushing into the train all the time? They don't let the existing train passengers alight first and prefer to barge their way into the train.

Reason 1: Yes, Kiasu-ism. [*note to foreigners: google the term]. The 'die die must win', cannot lose attitude that all Singaporeans have. But it's beyond that!

It's because...

Reason 2: The Singapore population is lazy! Just plain L A Z Y. I have noticed time and time again, the same people standing lip-locked with the train entrance are the ones dashing for the next available seat to plaster their tefal-flat bums on.

Think about it. We have trains that ferry u across a distance which only takes a 20mins walk. We'd rather wait 2mins for a lift than walk up 2 flights of stairs. When was the last time u saw someone voluntarily choose the stairs nearby when the oh-so-ergonomic escalators 10metres away are empty?

Reason 3: Herd mentality. If others are doing it, I'll do it also lah.

Even if one's Not kiasu or lazy, if u have herd mentality: (sub-consciously) Aiya, since everyone already like that lazy and kiasu, I also follow lor.

It's a vicious cycle!

I used to have issues about such mentalities and it irked the hell out of me. Not anymore! Call it apathy with age ;)

[Help Me!] However, when a rather large woman slightly shorter than I am starts unprovokedly caressing your upper back with her E-cups and you suddenly wonder when did OSIM & SMRT tie up for a standing unit massage chair, you begin to ponder about the close encounters.

You know i'm only writing this blogpost now on the train to occupy myself with my random intellect. Anything to distract me (omg, seriously) from thinking she might enjoy her evening-shift as a massage fixture on the singapore trains.

BeWITCHed, (certainly) Bothered & Bewildered,

-jho.

要不要(Yao Bu Yao) by Vocaluptuous

Don't know why, i'm just obsessed with this song and the arrangement! Gosh. Call me a groupie.

J'ai compris tous les mots, j'ai bien compris, merci

Raisonnable et nouveau, c'est ainsi par ici

Que les choses ont changé, que les fleurs ont fané

Que le temps d'avant, c'etait le temps d'avant

Que si tout zappe et lasse, les amours aussi passent

Il faut que tu saches

J'irai chercher ton coeur si tu l'emportes ailleurs

Même si dans tes danses d'autres dansent tes heures

J'irai chercher ton ame dans les froids dans les flammes

Je te jetterai des sorts pour que tu m'aimes encore

Fallait pas commencer m'attirer me toucher

Fallait pas tant donner moi je sais pas jouer

On me dit qu'aujourd'hui, on me dit que les autres font ainsi

Je ne suis pas les autres

Avant que l'on s'attache, avant que l'on se gache

Je veux que tu saches

J'irai chercher ton coeur si tu l'emportes ailleurs

Même si dans tes danses d'autres dansent tes heures

J'irai chercher ton ame dans les froids dans les flammes

Je te jetterai des sorts pour que tu m'aimes encore

Je trouverai des langages pour chanter tes louanges

Je ferai nos bagages pour d'infinies vendanges

Les formules magiques des marabouts d'Afrique

Je les dirai sans remords pour que tu m'aimes encore

Je m'inventerai reine pour que tu me retiennes

Je me ferai nouvelle pour que le feu reprenne

Je deviendrai ces autres qui te donnent du plaisir

Vos jeux seront les notres si tel est ton desir

Plus brillante plus belle pour une autre etincelle

Je me changerai en or pour que tu m'aimes encore

21st: from Minor to Major

What has changed?

My signature carries legal value, I can be declared bankrupt, I can officially watch R(A) movies, I'm allowed into more clubs... Responsibility.

I'm officially my own man. Independent.

Parents, at least Chinese ones, dread this day. The day whereby we officially "chi4 bang3 ying4 le4" = "wings are hard now". The Age of Majority. How many times have I heard my mother say, "when you hit 21 then see how... when you hit 21 then you'll see.. when you hit 21...."

Well mom, 21 is 32mins away.

She just asked me, "Are you happy?", I assume about the dinner at the Brazillian place on sixth ave, the generous gift from both of them, and the ice-cream cake.

But it made me think. For a moment. Am I happy?

Yeah. I am. I may be cynical at times, jaded at most, even display traces of malcontent, but when it comes down to true happiness - yes I am.

I have what I want. Great relationship, great friendships, family trying to be as supportive as possible, good education, a well-rounded lifestyle. I am happy.

Yet, why do I feel a nagging self-doubt? Almost like I have more to prove because i'm 21; an adult. Like I can't depend on my youth to get away with as much things as I have. Really, is hitting 21 a blessing? How many times I hear people lament about their youthful days, wishing they were younger and that they can do it all over again.

I bet this is one of the more enjoyable times of my life, being an undergrad. And that I will miss it once it's over. Yes, live life to the fullest. But why do I constantly worry that I'm not. That i'm missing out. That I will regret. Paranoia?

When I was asked to make a wish at the birthday cake just, I really couldn't think of anything material to wish for. Not any new shoes, new clothes, new laptop, paid vacation. Nothing of sort. Is this adulthood? hahaha!

Beyond 21, no more "official stages" in a person's lifespan.

I am happy. I'm an adult. Jeremy has came of age. The Age of Majority. Time to live, in the real world. 5mins to adulthood.

Happy 21st Birthday Jeremy. Live well.