Thought to Think

Thought.

As pained as can be
Thoughts rummage thru thee.
Seeking solace, and numb, and zen;
A probing ever since then.

Pinkies hooked to represent
The contract of friendship,
trust,
honesty,
care,
empathy,
sympathy,
help,
guidance,
aid; dissappeared, removed, frozen.

'tis the cycle of life?
'tis the pain of mine?
'tis the work of distance?
'tis the work of time?

'tis the... the... work of the... dEVIL?
With soul (or no soul) as black as coal, blessed thee both with apathy and indifference,
Un-valued thy
For thy fortunes.
'tis the self deception of thee both?
'tis my importance lack?

Like my thoughts I have written.
Written.
Led me to think, no,
Write.
Write this poem,
of angst, of anger, of apathy (coming soon). Ah!

Actions done?
No. Not that I see. Not that I will ever see, I THINK.
Haha! Doth thee know how I feel - no, wait - THINK?
When the Sun dies, probably.
Please...

Think.

Random Happenings

Friday 12th August
Swimming lessons in College! Darn cool (and cold)! After the swimming lesson, it's like, a new you for the rest of the day.. No more languidity, totally refreshed!

Watched the upbeat concert too with Chua. Free tix, on behalf of The A Cappella Society. Bought brownies as a form of appreciation to upbeat.
Upbeat was good with their blend and they clash chords beautiful. All of them Classical singers and seem to be able to get funny chords right all the time BUT, when it comes to 'Pop' chords, they are always either flat or sharp! Ironic. Loved their Air on G String and William Tell Overture, especially the soprano solos.
They did badly in their pop songs like Always Be My Baby and I Do though - problem: Rigid voices; too perfect a diction for pop songs (you gotta let it slide for Pop music); the sound is also very "at the top" for soloists and thus ad lib-ing became a real problem (again, too rigid).
Though another paradox,Upbeat is not really very upbeat, but overall good performance taking into consideration their age as a group. I give it 2.5 Stars!

Went to Chinatown food street to have supper with Chua and realised how i do not know Singapore well at all, i was so surprized i'm able to walk from Chinatown food street to Tanjong Pagar road in a few 100 metres. And was just thinking also, what about the general teenage population - yes they know Orchard Road inside out, but who doesn't? - do they know such tricks and places such as chinatown?
Headed to Mox afterwards just for a drink and "soak up in the ambience" [Haha!] and (getting from good to bad) music. Happened to meet Bryan there, as usual on a Friday night again and we chatted for awhile and stuff. Tense karma.. Bad bad..


Saturday 13th August
Woke up late, had to go for this tea session with a Minister of Parliament (i think) and another lady, both from Feedback Society of the government. Quite an Insighful chat session among JCs, Polys, ITEs, Universities - every institution sends 2 representatives.

I have to say something. I strongly DO NOT believe that ITE students are STUPID, and firmly stand by my view point that they have much to offer in terms of more technical stuff, or perhaps they lack guidance or motivation when young.
BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT! When they were at the tea session, the representative were totally disrespectful and irritating. Sitting behind me, they were, though in hushed tones, whispering and chatting among themselves. What is worst, one guy was actually talking on the phone! I mean, have some decency, wana talk on the phone, GET OUT OF THE BLOODY ROOM!
It's ok if they are not interested in current affairs, they probably are not induced or required to do so in ITEs, but respect is still essential. If you would have two very respectful representatives, i'd actually say "WOW"... I mean, the social stigma against them is existing already, so if they were to behave properly, i'd definitely show more respect and know what they are capable of doing.
But with that behaviour, it adds on to the stigma ya know? I don't wana think this way, but yes, i am feeling this way after yesterday's incident.

Went to the National Library. It's HUGE! 13 storeys huge!
Then went to watch a movie alone again, needed some alone time to refresh my mind. Watched Bewitched.. It was funny! And romantic, very much like the old classic. Nicole kidman was stunning as usual and Will Ferrell, i love his eyes - but he looks kinda dorky!

- Jho. Rehearsal. Library research. Dinner

National Day - Not so bad afterall!

Woke up.
I had lunch and then head to the gym and swam abit after - trying to get the V-Shaped torso!

Watched the National day Parade.
Not very interesting. The acts were pretty boring as compared to the previous year's... Hmmm... 40 years. On the patriotic side, i am proud of Singapore, to be able to attain World City 1st tier status in less than a decade of development, to be one of the world's major cities next to Frankfurt, Milan, Sydney etc. I love singapore and will never give up my citizenship!! ^_^

We didn't gather..
as a group of close friends to watch the NDP like we used to every year since our little NDP Choir experience. I'd hope for it to be a tradition, to be something we do as friends, like most close group of friends who have a certain culture, i have hoped that that was it; watching ndp. Hmmm... Maybe my group's culture is being ignorant. I'm not being sarcastic. Just a thought.

Had a little discussion with Dada Nigel this afternoon.
About friendship. As the wise Sage he always was and will be - he didn't provide me with answers but generated more questions. LOL! I'm not being sarcastic (again)... But the questions were constructive.

I came up with two answers.

1) Best Friends -- who have the perception that being best friends means that people can be apart and not put in that much effort to keep the friendship going, but when meeting once in awhile, will be able to ignite the flames just like that and be as happy as ever. In other words, effort is not needed to keep the friendship going.

2) Best Friends -- who have the perception that people have to do little things here and there to keep the friendship on going. Thus, they need to put in effort (minimal or otherwise) to maintain the friendship. In other words, effort is needed to stay friends.

I belong to the latter, not to say the former is incorrect. But I PERSONALLY BELIEVE that that is how a friendship should work. To TRY and to put in slighest of efforts to keep it flowing.

I mean, why can't someone just send a simple sms to say "how are you doing?" to their best friends when they can send long messages to people who are supposedly not that close?

And, why can't people try to rectify problematic situations with friendships when they know that there is a prominent problem and yet wait for the other parties to take action? Is that true friendship?

I came up with 2 conclusions.
A) They don't have the EQ or social intelligence or experience with such problems that they are absolutely clueless as to what to do.
B) They just don't bother.


National Day was not that lonely...
afterall. Went out with Joe for supper and chatted from 9plus till 0030. Very intellectual chat we had. Very personal and heart to heart also i guess.
That was the highlight of my day. When i thought i was gonna be lonely, someone was there. And the best thing was, I didn't have to ask! Sometimes i feel that when it comes to emotions, guys have less EGO than the opposite sex. Ironic according to social perspectives huh...


Are people subjugated to their fate? Or do they have to ardently fight for their wants? But what if they are tired of fighting? What if they have fought a long battle and want to take defense instead? Are people born fighters and MUST fight all the time? Can leaders follow sometimes? Are leaders suppose to initiate all the time? Do followers have a voice? Can they speak? Do they want to speak? If leaders don't lead, will followers just sit back and not follow? Or will they initate and help the leaders?

Who helps the leader when he is down? Who? Who? Who?


-Jho. Sleep. PW. Gym. Swim. Read.

Naked

Wow.. It's been almost two months. Gosh.

Just finished my Literature essay on the book "The Guide" by R.K. Narayan.

Felt like blogging my feelings.

- "Naked" by Spice Girls (Their first album) playing on my notebook -

It's a new notebook.. Hp Pavillion Entertainment Notebook PC. Quite cool. Never had a notebook before and realised it's darn useful and mobile! I can do work any where, so efficient!

Just watched Macbeth at the DBS Arts centre: Home of SRT. Quite cool. Imagine, memorising lines and lines of Shakspeare! And we students can't even quote from the text during an exam. Haha.

There's college tomorrow. First they tell us we are celebrating for an hour, i thought "hey! I can go back home by 9!" then they tell us after the celebration is a full college hours. Ok fine. I "ren".

Now my friends tell me we have extra Econs lecture remedial till 6:15pm. Ok. Innova JC is gonna top the JC cohort soon at this rate. LOL! Wishful thinking on my part...

I don't know what is wrong with this world. It always seems like you cannot have both, it's always either or. If i do not have dates AT ALL, my ("best") friends are closer to me, but if i have a few dates popping out here and there, they seem so distant. Although it's a non sequitor (no relevance), but it always seems to work out that way.. Why?

I remember Ms Beh, my upper sec form teacher said to us, "It's your secondary school friends that stay with you for life"... How true is that? I really wonder. I mean seriously, in my current state, i guess not.

I have to admit, it's partly my fault for being oversensitive. But can you blame me? Ok, i'll stop ranting. I just needed to get it out of my system. Being indifferent hurts, not caring hurts, but i think that's the best way for now - since trying too hard and getting rejected hurts much much more.

I ardently believe in balance. Everything needs to have a balance.

Nigel and Allan visited. Had a really nice time! Though my puntuality is a major issue and will probably be awhile before i learn my lesson. I probably need a huge jolt to truly learn lessons - like my English Grade in the "O" Levels.

Maybe i should go get some serious reflection. Are my priorities right? I don't know.
I have always had answers to other people's problems, but never my own. Gosh...

I'm feeling naked. Like i have no flesh. No tangibility. I'm feeling numb. Is that what Jeremy Ho has become? I could care less for incompetence, probably that is why i feel so small all the time; since i pitch myself against the best or the better ALL the time.

But

It's not just that. It's about feeling wholesome. I thought i got over my teenage insecurities. Hmmmm.... Or maybe i'm again a late bloomer and here comes my insercurities for real. I would not call them insecurities though. I'm perfectly sercure, just unsure.

I miss AJ.. Had sooo much fun and learnt so much. Sad that the good teachers are leaving though. Well, IJ is getting more beautiful by the day. I can't wait to use the facilities!

Maybe I should get a larger circle of friends. Then we can go clubbin', dancin' etc etc. A close knit group of friends may not be such a boon afterall.

Ok. National Day is here. Singapore's 40th birthday. Ya know, i'd never give up my citizenship for any country in the world. I guess i'm just very "kampong"... I like singapore. I like that i can walk at the void decks of HDB flats barefooted. Take a walk down the streets in the night and not get mugged.

Brb. I'll go to the toilet.

Yup! I love my country.

Anyways. There's an upcoming A Cappella concert!

A Cappella Fest 2005

8th September

7:30pm

Kallang Theatre

Tickets $16 - Students, $24/$26 Adults (I Think)

My A Cappella group TONE will be performing about 3 songs! Do come support the local groups! I promise it will be a sensational evening of songs!

Sleep time!

Jho - Sleep. College. National Day "break".